


In Another's Eyes

by DrayPotter_TFLS (DrayOakenshield)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happily Ever After, Love Letters, M/M, unhappy relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 22:57:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14681196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrayOakenshield/pseuds/DrayPotter_TFLS
Summary: In the week leading up to Tonks and Remus' wedding feelings are explored and realizations are made.





	1. Remus' Diary

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in installments on [ my tumblr ](http://irishwolf-and-slytherinstar.tumblr.com/post/173680910000/in-anothers-eyes-this-is-part-one-of-a-five)

_I don't know how to do this. I told her I would marry her but it just doesn't feel right. I know Sirius told me this was okay, that he had never expected me to live my life mourning him if he died before me. But I don't think either of us expected him to come back from the dead._

_The other day Dora changed her hair to this shaggy black cut for a mission and all I could see was him. As I turned to leave the room I saw the pain in her eyes. I know she thinks I would never cheat, she thinks I'm stronger than that but fuck this is hard. She has all the faith in the world in me, all the faith in the world that I would be honest with her and not keep things from her._

_And I had been true to what she saw. I was honest with her when Sirius went through the veil, I told her I had loved Sirius and didn't think I would ever be over him. And they had been making progress. Dora had done her best to keep her resemblance to her cousin to a minimum, no black hair and no grey eyes. They had done well moving forward, there was a small wedding scheduled for a month before Harry's coming of age._

_Then he walked back into our lives. Fuck._

_Seeing him step out of the Weasley's fireplace when everyone had gathered for an Order meeting had broken my heart all over again. I saw the pain flash across Dora's face when my breath caught in my throat at the sight of him but I couldn't have stopped that reaction if I had tried. As I stared at him he carefully raised his hand to the spot over his heart where I knew he had a tattoo of the lupus constellation, a drunken decision on the night we had found out Lily was expecting Harry. Without realizing I was doing my it, my hand moved to cover my own tattoo, Canis Major right over my heart. A promise to always be faithful to each other no matter what the war caused. We were young and invincible when we got those tattoos, we didn't think the war would destroy us like it did._

As we _stood there staring at each other I heard Dora make her excuses and flee and I knew what I had to do. I gave Sirius a sad smile and turned to follow my fiance despite my heart screaming at me to stay there and fall into his arms again._

_And now here we are, a week from my wedding and I'm miserable. I should be happy, this should be the happiest day of my life. But I'm miserable. I love him so much, we were supposed to have a happily ever after together. This was never in the cards. It was supposed to be him and I, James and Lily, and Peter and Marlene. Then James and Lily were killed, Marlene disappeared, Peter was supposed to be dead as well, and Sirius was locked away. But I didn't move on. I couldn't believe he had done something like that. And I was right. Peter had done it. But, at the end of the day, we still had each other. It took some work after he went into hiding but we found us again and found our rhythm._

_Then I watched him fall through that veil and I knew that was the end of it. I was sure the love of my life was gone and I was going to have to face living after the war alone. We had won the fight before it had even begun but I had lost everything bright and good in my life. But Dora found me at my darkest and gave me some light. So I let her love me. I let her think I loved her too. But I never did, not the same way I loved Sirius. The love between me and her was barely an incendio compared to the fiendfyre that raged between me and Sirius. But I could live with that, at least I wasn't alone at night and even an_ incendio _is warm._

_So here I sit. Pouring my heart onto these pages because I can't bear to say them aloud. No matter what I do there will be broken hearts left in the wake of my actions._

Remus quickly shut the pages of his diary and murmured a wandless charm to make it appear to be teaching notes for his upcoming term at Hogwarts when he heard Dora coming up the stairs. She wasn't blind but she didn't need to see his feelings laid out like that. 


	2. A diary entry and a love letter - Tonks

_I know Remus loves me, I can feel it in every touch and kiss. I hear it in every breath he takes. That’s why this hurts so bad. I don’t love him, not the same way he loves me. He is like a brother to me, there is no passion there, not like there should be in a good marriage._

_It feels like he is just a filler for what I can’t have. When we lie together I picture her because that’s the only way I get any pleasure. It never feels right with him, I don’t really think it ever has._

_But I can’t bring myself to break him like that. I can’t let him fall back into that void again. When he lost Sirius I thought we were going to lose him as well, but I was able to make him smile. I was able to make him closer to whole than he had been. If I were to leave him now, to dump him for someone else a week before our wedding, I would shatter him so completely that I don’t think anyone else could pick up the pieces and put him back together._

_When Sirius came back and I was happy for both of them. I figured that would bring me freedom, that he would make his excuses and we could end this as friends and at least one of us could be with our better half. But he didn’t, he smiled and touched that damned tattoo that he tries so hard to keep hidden then followed me out of the room to promise me he was loyal to me and always would be._

_I don’t know how he doesn’t see it in my eyes that I’m in love with another person, that even though my body is loyal to him my heart belongs to someone else. I wish I was strong enough to break his heart, to end my misery. But I can’t do that, one of us being miserable is enough._

_So in three days, I’m going to put on that champagne dress that I chose because I couldn’t bear to wear bridal white and pretend to be happy as I walk down that aisle and tie myself to him forever. I’m going to play the part of a joyous bride and pretend like my heart isn’t shattered in my chest. And then I can go to her wedding and pretend to be happy for her when she marries the man who lights up her world._

_Maybe it won’t be too bad. I mean he does love me, he is completely devoted to me. Maybe in time I could learn to love him with the same passion that he carries for me. Maybe I can nurture the weak sparks into a flame so this isn’t a completely loveless marriage._

_And maybe, in time, I can forget how much I love her. She is getting married in three weeks, I’ve seen the way she looks at Bill. That is the basis of a happy marriage. Not the lukewarm halfway there lack of passion between me and Remus._

_But I have to try. I promised my mom I wouldn’t give up when things got tough. And I can’t give up on a man who loves me as completely as Remus does. We can make this work, we can find our way to a happily ever after with each other._

_And at least she doesn’t look at me with love in her eyes the way Sirius looks at Remus. I don’t think I could walk down the aisle to marry Remus if she loved me as much as I love her. I don’t know how Remus is able to turn his back on that. What he feels for me must be beyond measure if he is able to ignore what Sirius obviously feels for him._

Tonks sighed and looked over what she had written, the pain was almost physical it was so evident on the page. After a moment’s thought she flipped to a blank page and set her quill to the new page and started writing again.

_Fleur,_   
_I know you will never read these words but I still need to get them out before I commit myself to someone else. I love you. I won't say I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you because that is too cliche but I have been in love with you for far too long for me to actually know when it started. But I will say that the first time I saw you my heart stopped in my chest. The first time I heard you speak with that darling French accent I felt weak in the knees. I know you are about to marry Bill and I can see the joy that brings you so I won’t do anything to disrupt that. But I wish I could kiss you just once. I wish I could spend just one night in your arms so I could use those memories to warm my nights going forward. But this was not to make you sad, this was to tell you that I love you and I am glad you have found someone who brings a smile to your face. Getting to see that smile will be enough to carry me through going forward. Getting this out helped. Even though I know I will never have the courage to give you this letter writing it has helped._   
_I love you Fleur. I will for the rest of my days._   
_Always yours_   
_Nymphadora Tonks_


	3. Sirius' love letter

Sirius stared at the page before him not sure how to start. When Harry caught on that something was wrong that Sirius wasn’t ready to talk about he casually remarked that he had started writing letters in a diary so he could say what he needed to without actually saying it and that had sounded brilliant in theory but when it came down to doing it Sirius had no clue where to begin. Taking a breath he set his quill to the parchment and just started writing, not letting himself over think it any longer.

_Remus,_   
_I don’t know why I’m doing this. I doubt it will make me feel better, even the deepest bottle of Ogden’s can’t do that right now. Tomorrow you are going to be standing at that altar saying your vows to Tonks and I’m going to be standing behind you supporting you because that’s what lifelong friends do. I know you offered me the position as your best man because you thought it would ease the pain but it doesn’t. I shouldn’t be standing behind you watching you make that vow to someone else, I should be in front of you taking the vows with you. After everything we have been through we should have finally gotten our happily ever after._

_But me rushing into the Ministry to save Harry ruined all chances of that for us. My hot-headed temper put me on that dias facing the crazy bitch that I have the misfortune of calling a cousin. Now that there is some time between me and the situation I realize the consequences of my actions are greater than I could have ever dreamed when I dove through that fireplace with only the thought of saving Harry in my head. In that moment all I could think was James would never forgive me if I let his son get killed when I could have helped, it never crossed my mind that I would lose you in the process._

_Looking back on that day now I don’t know if I would change my actions though. Even knowing the pain I caused myself I don’t think I could stay in Grimmauld Place and let you all fight on my behalf. My falling through the veil is what gave Harry the strength to cast the curse that ended the war before it really began. My running off to the Ministry is what pushed Crouch to issue my pardon. My leaving you all alone is what pushed you into Tonks’ arms._

_I see the way you look at her. The love in your eyes is the same love that used to shine bright when you looked at me. The smile that comes to your lips when you think no one is watching is the same smile you used to wear when you thought I wasn’t looking at you. I am happy you found love, I just wish it was still me that made you that happy._

_I should have told you more what you meant to me. I should have given you the affection you deserved. I should have spoken the words more. I should have been more. Maybe then you wouldn’t have moved on so quickly. Maybe if I had been what you needed instead of focusing on my own desires I would have been able to win you back._

_Even if I could have thought I wouldn’t have. I have a hard enough time living with myself now. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I ripped apart such an obviously loving relationship. I would find no joy in having you in my arms again if I had to make you sad to do it._

_So tomorrow when you stand at that altar I will stand behind you and force a smile to my face even when it feels like my heart is shattering. And after an acceptable amount of time I will make my excuses and go back to Grimmauld Place where a large bottle of Ogden's finest will be waiting for me to drown my sorrows. And I will hope and pray that when I look in the mirror the next morning the tattoo I got as a sign of my never-ending love for you will be gone. Because even though I will always love you seeing such a stark reminder spread across my skin like that will be too much to bear for a very long time._

_Once again, I love you Remus John Lupin. If I could change the past enough to keep you by my side without destroying everything else my actions caused I would do it in a heartbeat. But since there is no way to do that I am going to end this letter and go wallow in the happy memories of us. As I grow old and grey I will use those memories to keep me warm at night because no one will ever be able to replace you, Remus._   
_Always yours_   
_Sirius Orion_

At some point in his writing tears had started to fall without him realizing it. In places, the words were nearly illegible from the water on the page. But, surprisingly, Sirius did feel better now that he had gotten the words out of his heart. So, before he could dwell on it again, he shoved the parchment into his desk and flopped on his bed to try and sleep before the hell that the next day would bring.


	4. A goodbye and a diary entry - Fleur

_Bill,_   
_I love you so much, you need to know that before you read this letter. No matter what happens that will never change. You were my first love and you will always hold a special place in my heart._

_But I can’t marry you. I’ve realized as much as I love you it’s not enough. Not when I’ve been slowly falling for someone else since last spring. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us for me to say my vows next month when my heart isn’t solely yours. So I am going to cause a little hurt now to cause a bigger hurt later._

_The only reason I’m able to find the strength to do this is because I know you have another witch in your heart as well. I know you would never do anything because you are loyal to the fault but I need you to be selfish for once. Let me go so you can find your own happiness._

_I am doing this for both of us. I know deep in my soul that ours would be a flat marriage and I don’t want either of us to have that. I would rather part still in love with you on good terms than say our vows and fall out of love over the years._

_I love you, but this is goodbye,_   
_Fleur Delacour_

Fleur read over the note she had written for the fifteenth time to make sure it sounded okay before rolling the scroll closed and tying it with a light blue ribbon. It was not what she had envisioned when she said yes to his proposal but this was for the best. Touching her wand to the hidden compartment she pulled out her diary to write down her thoughts on what the next day might bring before she went to bed.

Today was rough. After thinking about it for weeks I decided to call off the wedding.

_The main reason is that I’m not in love with Bill anymore. I do still love him, I have no doubt about that. But it feels flat, like the love you would feel for a family member. So I ended it before either of us could be trapped in a dead marriage._

_Then there was the fact that Molly hates me. Oh I know she’s gotten better about hiding it, she’s even made an effort to treat me with less ice in her actions. But I can still tell she doesn’t want me as a member of her family. So, as much as it pains me to prove her right, I am going to back out of the wedding and move on with my life._

_And the final reason is Nymphadora Tonks. I love her. I have for quite some time and I’m nearly certain she feels the same about me. So I’m going to take a chance and tell her how I feel. Because if there is even a chance she feels the same I have to take it. After tomorrow she will be married to Remus and that would end any chance I would ever have of having her for my own. I just hope my selfishness in telling her how I feel doesn’t end my friendship with her if she doesn’t feel the same. If by some miracle she loves me and chooses me over Remus I hope Remus forgives me for my actions eventually._

_Though I think there may be something between Remus and Sirius that they are both trying their hardest to ignore. Every time they see each other at least one of them touches their chest in greeting, a gesture that feels much older than since Sirius came back. So as horrible as it is, deep down inside I hope that Remus wants to call off his wedding as much as I want to call off my own. Because if he does that might crack the door open for me just a little bit wider._

Taking a deep breath Fleur closed the diary and slid it back into the compartment before sealing it back up. If she dwelled any more on the plans she had devised she would lose her nerve and not be able to put her feelings forward. She had to suppress a laugh at her own expense when she realized how much she was working herself up over something as trivial as calling off her wedding. She had faced a dragon at seventeen after all, calling off a wedding was nothing compared to that. With a sigh she pushed away from her writing desk in the small flat she was renting and made her way to bed. The only thing she could do right now was get some sleep to prepare for what the next day would bring.


	5. Together at last

Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants and glaring at the shot of firewhiskey he had poured but not drank. He had been drinking a lot, more than he had since the months after he escaped Azkaban only to get locked in Grimmauld Place. But tonight he couldn’t bring himself to put that glass to his lips, he had lost Remus and if he kept it up he was going to lose himself in the process. With a sigh he stood up and walked over to the sink to dump the alcohol down the drain, missing the fireplace turning green and spitting out Fleur behind him.

“Sirius, we need to speak.” Fleur greeted him, thinking he had heard the fireplace flare up when she stepped through. To her surprise she had to fling up a protego shield when the wizard spun on his heel and threw a stunning charm at her.

Blinking as he realized Fleur was the one he had just tried to stun Sirius lowered his wand looking sheepish. “Sorry love, I was so lost in my own head I didn’t hear the floo. Is everything okay?”

Fleur let her calm mask slip a bit at Sirius’ words. “Yes… No… _Merde, je ne sais pas._ ”

“It has been twenty years since I’ve studied French so let’s stick to English, alright?” Sirius said as he filled the kettle and set it on to boil figuring they could both use a cup of tea. “So what brings you here tonight?”

Sighing Fleur sank to the bench Sirius had vacated a few moments before her arrival. “I left Bill. I love him but I’m not in love with him. I know it was the right thing to do but it still hurts.”

“So you came to me for comfort?” Sirius asked with a wry smirk as he set two cups on the table and dropped a tea bag in each.

Fleur returned the smirk, letting go of a bit of the pain she was carrying. “Partially. But I’m actually here because I wanted to ask you how you feel about Remus? I love Tonks, I want to say something to her tomorrow but before I do I want to know if you will be there for Remus if she chooses me.”

Without realizing it Sirius had brought his hand up to the tattoo on full display in the middle of his chest. “I love him. Have since I was fifteen.” Sirius whispered brokenly.

“So you will be there for him if I go to Tonks and she chooses me. You didn’t see Remus after you fell through the veil. We were all worried we were going to lose him too and if I didn’t know you would be willing to be there for him I wouldn’t take this chance.” Fleur said with a small smile. “So now the only question that remains is are you going to stay here and wait for Remus or are you going to their cottage so I can speak with Tonks.”

Sirius thought for a moment then smiled softly at her. “I have a better idea, let me ask them to come here so if either of them wants to leave they can do so without feeling trapped. Just let me run upstairs and grab a shirt before they arrive.” He said giving her a roguish wink before flicking his wand to send his patronus to Remus and Tonks’ cottage and turning to dart out of the room.

Rolling her eyes at his antics Fleur got up to fetch the kettle as it started to whistle to pour water into the mugs Sirius had pulled for them before putting more water on to boil and setting out two more mugs. As she sat back down with her mug she heard Sirius come thundering back down the stairs.

Just as Sirius re-entered the room wrapping a hair tie around the bun he had twisted into his hair the fireplace flashed green and Remus stepped out and quickly moved aside to make room for Tonks’.

“So you wanted to speak to us before the wedding?” Remus asked as he stepped forward to pull the other man into a hug, trying not to cling too tightly.

“Yeah, kinda odd to ask to see a couple the night before their wedding,” Tonks remarked with a teasing smile as she took a seat so close to Fleur they were nearly touching.

Fleur shifted so she could sit facing Tonks, resisting the urge to twist her hands nervously in her lap. “I actually wanted to talk to you and Sirius agreed to help.” She took a deep breath before proceeding. “ I love you, Tonks, I have for quite some time. I know you are getting married tomorrow which is why I had to say something now. I couldn’t let you get married without laying my heart on the line.”

“But what about Bill?” Tonks asked quietly.

“I left him,” Fleur stated calmly. “I realized I don’t love him as much as I love you and I don’t want to be stuck in a cold marriage.”

Remus sucked in a breath as what Fleur was saying washed over him. Everything seemed to click into place in his brain and he pushed away from the table with a sad smile. “You love her too don’t you Dora?” The look on Tonks’ face was all the answer he needed. “ It’s okay, make yourself happy.”

“Remus! Damnit _wait_!” Sirius exclaimed as he saw the other man starting to head to the fireplace. “If you aren’t marrying my cousin then will you please give me another chance? I still love you, I never would have said anything while I knew you were happy but now that I see you aren’t I can’t keep it to myself anymore. Just read this and if you feel the same I’ll be upstairs in our old bedroom.” He pressed a tear-stained page into Remus’ hands before turning and walking out of the room.

Catching his eye across the table Tonks gave him a sad smile before nodding her head towards the stairs. “I’m not the only one who should be happy here. Go after your soulmate Remus, I’m going with mine back to her flat.”

Remus carefully folded the page and slid it into the pocket of his jeans then walked over and placed a gentle kiss on the top of Tonks’ hair before giving her a tight hug. “Keep the cottage, I’m home. “ He gestured around him with a sheepish smile. “Thank you, Dora, for letting me go and not letting me be stupid. I am so glad we both have this chance to be happy.” He said softly as he released her from his arms.

Standing up Fleur pulled Remus in for a hug. “Thank you for being so understanding Remus, you are a good man who deserves all the happiness in the world. Now go find your mate and show him how you feel.” Fleur urged, pushing him towards the door Sirius had disappeared through.

Once Remus was out of sight Tonks stood up and held a hand out to Fleur, “Let’s go home love. I think we have some lost time to make up for.”

Fleur took the offered hand with a smile and followed her new partner through the fire, mentally agreeing with the thought that there was plenty of catching up to do.

Meanwhile, up in the bedroom Sirius and Remus had spent so much time making their own after Sirius was put on house arrest, Sirius was sitting on the edge of the bed trying not to let his nerves overwhelm him. If Remus didn’t choose him he didn’t know what he would with himself. When he saw the handle start turning slowly he felt every worry drain out of his body.

“Sirius?” Remus asked, entering the room and standing before him. “I choose you.” A soft smile graced his lips..“I should have chosen you six months ago when I first saw you come out of the Weasley’s fireplace.”

Sirius was caught off guard by the broken sob he couldn’t hold back. As the tears of joy and relief started coursing down his face he held out his arms for Remus to join him on the bed, which the other man did without hesitation.

“I’m supposed to be getting married tomorrow but my bride ran away. Do you know anyone who has been in love with me for twenty years who would be willing to marry me on such short notice?” Remus asked, trying to hide his nerves behind a teasing tone.

When Sirius couldn’t find the words to respond he resorted to throwing himself at Remus and kissing the other man soundly. “Yes, I do know someone who wants to marry you.” He breathed, still feeling like this had to be a dream.

“I love you, Sirius. Thank you for never giving up on me.” Remus whispered as he kicked off his shoes to climb into bed properly, pausing to toss his shirt off before leaning back against the pillows. “Now are you going to get up here and let me make love to you?”

Sirius grinned and scrambled into bed next to Remus, stopping to place a gentle kiss on the constellation on his chest. Tomorrow he would be marrying his soulmate but tonight, if he and Remus were on the same page, he would be marked as the werewolf's mate which was even more permanent than a wedding ceremony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again you can find me [ my tumblr ](http://irishwolf-and-slytherinstar.tumblr.com/)


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